I Will Not Be Erased

I will, forever,

Leave my mark.

I will not be silenced by your rigidity.

I will not be made to feel less,

Because your view differs from my own.

I will stand proudly,

In admiration of who I am becoming.

I will not be erased.

I will no longer be chained,

By guilt that you told me to carry.

I will no longer suffer,

Because of who I once was.

I will no longer,

Live in fear of opinion.

Instead I will be brave,

A force to be reckoned with.

I will not be erased.

I am not perfect,

Made millions of mistakes.

They do not define me,

I am not them.

I am resilient,

I am a warrior.

I will not be erased.

I have carried the weight of loss,

Guilt, sadness, brokenness.

Yet, still I remain.

I will not be erased.

If I weren’t here to speak my truth,

Would it be easier for you?

Easier to live,

As if your views are the only ones that count?

Easier to prove,

Your reality is the only truth?

Easier to silence,

Your own souls attempt to awaken you,

From unconscious slumber?

I am not here to make things easier.

I am here,

To live my truth.

I will, forever, leave my mark.

I will not be erased.

 

I Will Love The Skin I’m In

I will honor my body.

I will love the skin I’m in.

I will no longer compare my body to another woman’s.

The journey I have been on is my own, no one else can know the darkness I have caused my body to endure, no one else can know the light that shines through me regardless of that darkness.

I will no longer look in the mirror and cringe.  I will embrace my flaws.

I will no longer be controlled by body image.  We are all just star dust, in this imperfect human form.

I will be ok with where I am, no matter what the scale says. No matter what society says.

I will leave behind detrimental thinking patterns that have caused me to focus solely on my outward appearance.  What a waste of time that is.

I will begin using that time to tend to matters of the soul.  Striving everyday to grow, to be a better human, to love BIGGER.

I will love myself.

I will love my reflection in windows as I pass by, not because I am super model status, but because I am so much more.

I am me.

I am love, I am beauty, I am fearless.

I will not be constrained by what society calls beautiful.  I will wear what I want, when I want, with no apologies.

I will no longer be a slave to the scale.  That number isn’t real.  What is real, is the magic that dwells inside me.

I will no longer call myself names or criticize myself.  Goddess knows, there are enough critics running around, why add to that?

I am not fat, I am not saggy, I am not cellulite, or stretchmarks, or wrinkles, or gray hair.

I am amazingly me.  Unique in all I think and say and do.  I will revel in my uniqueness.

I will no longer guilt myself into doing things that I don’t enjoy.  I will listen to my body.

There are days I want to lift heavy things, days I want to do yoga, days I want to hike, and then there are days I want to lie on the couch all day, cuddled up with a good book and some chocolate.

I give myself permission to do ALL of those things.

I will do them when I want, how I want, and without feeling a damn bit guilty about it.

It is okay for me to go to the gym, & equally okay for me NOT to go to the gym.  Okay to practice yoga, while just as okay NOT to practice.

I will listen to my body and give it what it needs.  Whatever that need may be, in that moment, on that day.

I am ever-changing, as is my body, there is no one size fits all life.  I am realizing this now…

I will love me.

I will take long baths, naps, and walks in the sunshine.

I will fuel my body with nutrients that make me feel alive.  I will have greens and vitamins and shakes.

I will also lavishly enjoy chocolate, wine and southern cooking.

I will find my own truth.

I will find my own balance.

I will no longer force my body to endure brutal workouts day in and day out in pursuit of perfect muscle definition.  Because, what good is a perfect body if it is carrying a broken soul?

Instead I will move in ways that make me happy, simply to say thank you to my body for how amazing it has been to me.

I will take care of myself.

I will rest, I will meditate, I will sit in silence.

I give myself permission to howl at the moon, to dance around naked, to be unceremoniously wild.

I will love me.

 

 

 

Work in Progress

Should I Blame the Moon?

I have been slammed with SUPER intense emotions.  Crashing over me like waves.  I’m fine for a minute then, BAM, another hits. Maybe it was the full moon, the lunar eclipse, or the comet that passed a few nights ago?  Maybe it’s just where I am in life?

All I know for certain is…

I am becoming aware.

creig-crippen

I realize, to some,this sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo.  But it is honestly the state of my being right now.  Everything in me is changing, evolving…

Becoming More…

I am becoming more awake.  More aware.

Aware of the things I have let defeat me.  Aware of the thoughts that have held me prisoner.  Aware of the negativity that I allowed to permeate everything around me.

I am seeing with fresh eyes the things that suck up my time.  The things that suck up my soul.

I am becoming awake.

awakening

I am awakening to the collective unconscious.  The societal voices that become our inner monologues.

I am seeing that I have allowed those voices to steal my confidence, my joy, my passion.

I am awakening to the lies that I have believed simply because generations before me accepted them as truth.  I now cringe at the “that’s the way great-great-granny did it” mentality.

I am waking up to see that it is sometimes the comfort of the lies that hold us back.  We have become afraid to rock the boat. Some of us have let our own voice grow silent, adopting instead the voice of complacency.

I see now the time wasted, never to be regained, on the belief that we need to follow societal norms. We live in fear of doing something “wrong”, messing things up.

I see the lie of perfection. The desire for perfection, in all things, cripples us.  We want perfect hair before our pictures.  We need the perfect shoes for our outfits.  We won’t be happy with our body, with our lives, until we reach our goal(s).

I no longer believe the lie that we must “climb the ladder” to succeed.   The need for titles behind our names & signs in front of our parking spaces.  Just more lies.

I pray to never again be convinced of the importance of these pretensions.

Hopeful

I am hopeful that each day I will continue to become more aware, more awake.

I hope to become a better version of me each day simply by laying down things that no longer serve me and making room for new and healthy thought patterns and life habits.

I vow to escape the deception of perfection.  In fact, I will avoid striving for perfection at all. Instead focusing on growth in every area of my life.

I will be me bravely, with intentions of failing boldly in MANY endeavors.

bravely

I have been awakened to the life force buzzing around us all.

The Most Important Thing

I have so many things to be grateful for in my life yet, this is the most important thing I have ever done. It is not easy to change your old thoughts, old habits.  It is not easy to let go of things that you identify as “yourself”, but it is so rewarding.

Striving to become more awake, more aware, has changed/is changing every aspect of my life.   I realize now, that striving to be the best version of me is so important.  It’s not selfish or self-serving.  Working on me, gives me the strength to be there for others.

This awareness has begun to overflow into every detail of my life.  Becoming a better me allows me to be a better mom, wife, friend….PERSON.

Stepping back from old thought patterns, becoming accepting of the way things are, letting in more light and love into my life…these are the things I am most grateful for today.

I am a work in progress.  I hope to always be a work in progress.

in-progress

*How much better a world would this be for our children if we ALL vowed to work on ourselves EVERY DAY?