This is the scariest, yet most freeing advice I have ever gotten.
Hello, my name is Kristal, and I am afraid of failure.
I shared my fitness journey and how I spent A LOT of time hiding in the corner of the gym, on the treadmill. I had NO clue what I was doing, and I WAS AFRAID. Afraid that if I lifted a weight I wouldn’t do it right. Afraid I would look like an idiot. I KNEW that I could never be comfortable in a gym. All those skinny girls in spandex with perky booties, all those muscled-up men, all those health nuts. They were intimidating!
I was AFRAID. Afraid to try, afraid to fail.
It took someone holding my hand through the process, cheering me on, showing me that those “intimidating” people at the gym could care less if I looked like an idiot. Showing me that even if they did care, it didn’t matter. Showing me that this was about MY life, about making ME healthy.
Fast forward…. I now feel more at home in the gym than most other places. It’s my retreat. My therapy. My happy place. I didn’t fail! I worked hard, I listened, I read…I made it work for me!! I took charge of my health. I took charge of my body.
I found success in the health/fitness arena. What I didn’t do was conquer my fear of failure.
My entire life I have dreamed of becoming a writer. I have dreamed of owning my own business. I have dreamed of traveling the world. I have dreamed of making an impact by doing something that I am PASSIONATE about.
I am a chronic dreamer. I have SO many ideas ALL the time. What I lack is follow through.
Why is that?
Why have I not written the 101 novels that I have ideas for? Why have I not written the 99 children’s books that I’ve dreamed up? Why have I not started 3 companies? Why have I not traveled?
I’ve been too afraid.
Afraid that this small-town girl who grew up in poor, rural, South Carolina would never have what it takes. Afraid I was not “good enough” to be successful. Afraid I was kidding myself with my crazy ideas and dreams.
I spent my life thinking that if I could just “get by” (have a steady job, a family, a decent car, a house instead of a trailer, some semblance of peace, etc.) that would be my life. That would mean I had “arrived”.
That was a lie. A lie that I told myself. A lie that I believed. A lie that grew and grew until it became debilitating. I lie that I began to identify with. For years, I have let this lie destroy my life.
I have made many HUGE mistakes in my life. I’ve felt like a failure as a person. No matter how many successes I’ve had, no matter how many “good” things I’ve done, I could never view myself as “enough”.
I am WHOEVER and WHATEVER I decide to become. All I have is NOW. I can’t change the past. I can’t change who I am. What I can change is how I think and where I go from here.
I am determined to change my “stinkin thinkin”. I am determined to chase my dreams RELENTLESSLY. I am determined to fail.
I realize now, that I am going to have to fail. More than once! But guess what that means? It means…
I will never be an author if I don’t WRITE. I will never be my own boss if I don’t start TAKING ACTION to get me there. I will never travel if I keep telling myself it’s not a possibility for me.
Guess what?? The hand-holding I needed to get off the corner treadmill….I still need it. We all do. So I have started working on my circle. Working on my average. Working on surrounding myself with people who encourage me to chase my dreams.
I’ve realized that there is NO aspect of my life that should be passive. I have to take charge of the energies I surround myself with. I have to take charge of my goals by breaking them down into ACTIONS. I have to take charge of my writing by…well, WRITING.