What’s Your Average?

average

“You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.”

-Scott Dinsmore

 

Bam!  Truth bomb!

When I read this quote I had TONS of thoughts.  Thought I’d share a few:

Thought #1 –

There are not currently 5 people that I spend a lot of time with.  I’ve become quite the hermit lately.  I’ve battled depression and anxiety for the past couple months and when those dark times come, instead of doing what I know I should… reach out for support, I withdraw into myself and make as little connection with ANYONE as humanly possible.  There I stay, captured by thought and a feeling of continual angst.  Sounds fun right?!? Ugh.

I’ve got to get out more!

Thought #2-

My relationships with my loved ones are less than healthy. My relationship with my parents is strained, my relationship with my in-laws is distant (although they melt my heart and I would be lost without them), my relationship with Brent is a roller-coaster of emotion (he and I are opposites in MUCH, and while it is exciting, it is also a lot of work).  I’m not very close to anyone else in my family (in any sense, location included).

In fact, as I thought about this quote I realized that I am quite the loner.  Don’t get me wrong I love my alone time, but I think that is one reason I get trapped in my own head a lot.  This may seem like a negative discovery, but I am thankful for awareness.  I am thankful that I am discovering negative patterns in my life.  I am becoming aware!

Awareness is not always comfortable, but it is awesome!!

Thought #3 –

My favorite people in the whole world are such a random collective:

  • My “mom” – a Wiccan who lives in Florida. Haven’t been able to give her a real life hug in YEARS (I need to make that happen sooooooon), but she has been one constant in my crazy, crazy life.  She is my rock.
  • My spicy Puerto Rican – I can share the very deepest, darkest parts of my heart with her, and she loves me just the same.  Never any judgement.
  • My Boo – One of the first people to reach out to this struggling, hot mess of a pregnant chick (cough, cough…ME) that felt utterly alone after having recently moved. We’ve laughed and cried together. She makes my heart happy.
  • My BIG – A tattooed, wild-haired, vegan, earth loving, GIANT-hearted friend. No matter how long between contact our connection never fades. Love shines out of her!

The best people are the weird ones!

The ones who laugh BIG, who dream BIG, who love BIG.  The square pegs that REFUSE to fit in round holes.  The freethinkers.  The mavericks.

I am SOOOOO glad that my friends are all such strange folks!!!!!!

I wouldn’t have it ANY other way!

Thought #4 –

I am super blessed in the friend department.

There are so many more people who I hold dear.  So many people who have changed my life in positive ways.  As I contemplated my “average”, I caught myself thinking about how many people AMAZING people I have in my life.  Some I talk to regularly, most I don’t.  Some I haven’t talked to in years, yet they remain dear to my heart.  So many smiles as I think about these people.  So many amazing people I have the privilege to call friend.

I am reminded of the cheesy Girl Scout song that said, “Make new friends, but keep the old.  One is silver and the other gold.”

quote-motivational-friends-collage

I’ve collected so much silver and gold  over the years.

Thank you to everyone I call friend!

Thank you for making me smile, even as I type this!

Thought #5 –

I don’t want my “average” to be average.

I’m done with thinking small.  I’m done with petty.  I’m done with people who don’t love big.  I’m done with drama.  I’m done with settlers.

This year I vow to find and surround myself with people that I want to be like when I grow up (still haven’t decided if I EVER will).  People who are making a difference.  People who are spreading love and light.  People who not only dream BIG, but are accomplishing BIG things.

I had a convo tonight with another freethinker.  We talked about settling.  We decided we have done too much of that in our lives.  I just kept saying, “There has to be more.”

I believe that with my whole heart.  There is more.  There is life with purpose.  There is life full of happiness.  There is a true North for each of us to follow.

Here’s to finding purpose in 2017!

Here’s to a new year full of dreaming and achieving GINORMOUS things!!!!

Here’s to my friends both silver and gold!

I love you all!!!!

the-best-people

 

All the Feels

The holidays…sometimes loved, sometimes dreaded.

Yet ALWAYS, for me anyways, a time for “all the feels”.

Seriously.

I cry.  I grin.  I reflect. I plan.

christmas-magic

Crying

I cry because all the animals in the shelter look extra cold and lonely this time of year.  I cry because there are kids being bombed instead of waiting for Santa.  I cry for the “perfect” holiday moments that I will never have.

I cry at EVERY. SINGLE. PUBLIX. COMMERCIAL.

Sometimes I know it’s coming, and other times (usually because of those sneaky commercials) ….BAM, floodgates open outta nowhere!

Grinning

When I’m not tearing up, I find myself grinning like the Cheshire cat.  I look at the kids and their eyes sparkle just a little brighter this time of year.  The expectation and miraculous wonder that this season embodies just emanates from kids around Christmas time.  I watch them sleep and I swear I can see those dancing sugar plums…

I stand there, creepily staring as they sleep….and begin to reflect…

Reflecting

not-a-season

There is nothing better than the holidays to put me in a reflective, “What’s the meaning of life” kind of mood.  Reflection is a good thing sometimes.  I just tend to go into reflective hyper-drive in the months of November and December.  It is during these months that I find myself reflecting on ALL things…. GREAT and small.  Yes, I said ALL things.

Pick a topic…chances are I have reflected on it during November or December.  And if I didn’t get to it this year…I will work on it the next holiday season…

I reflect on Christmases past. Nostalgia takes over.  I remember the excitement of my grandma’s house on Christmas Eve.  I see my grandpa laugh and smile as he opens his gifts (he was always a big kid at Christmas).  I smell oodles of Christmas cookies my mom and I baked in our overly-decorated, yet oh so cozy home.  I sleepily listen for reindeer and hope I to catch a glimpse of Santa.

There is nothing like Christmas through a child’s eyes.

I love that I get to experience this magic again through my own children.

Yet amid these heart-warming reflections, this year I also find myself reflecting on the state of our nation and the rampant hate that seems to have such a vice grip on it.  The state of our planet and the lack of regard for her. World-wide chaos.  Priorities that seem flipped upside down.

I reflect on my life, on past mistakes and past successes. On what I thought life should look like at my age vs. reality.  I reflect on people that have come and gone.  I reflect on the person I was three years ago, five years ago, ten years ago.  So many changes I have undergone…so many truths I have unearthed, so many people I have been.

Change

The one thing, the only thing, all my reflections have in common….

Change

Regardless of whether they are the best memories or the worst memories, the one thing they all have in common is…they don’t last.  Change is the one constant in our lives.

After all the crying, grinning like an idiot and being uber nostalgic, my reflecting turns to a focus on change.   What changes do I want to see happen in my life?  What changes are key to my success?  What changes can I make to get me closer to my goals?

Planning

While some people REFUSE to make one New Years resolution, I tend to make a LIST.  Go big or go home right?  Somewhere, in the middle of crying, grinning, and reflecting, I begin to plan.  My list is sometimes beautifully handwritten (those are my favs, all swirly and artsy, colorful and fun), sometimes it is typed, sometimes it is scrawled in barely legible handwriting on a legal pad, it has even been a journal entry once or twice.  It is normally at least 25 items in length…sometimes WAY more, sometimes a little less.

There are just so many things I want to do.  So many things that I want to remind myself to make into daily habits.  So many ways that I feel my life can be improved.

I have so many interests, so many goals, so much I hope to do with my life!  I can be a little scattered at times (which drives my husband crazy…sorry honey…).  This scattered thinking leads me down many rabbit holes.  Some of which I am glad I went down, others not so much…but live and learn, right?!? I am a believer that life is meant to be lived.

For too long I have let life live me.  I’ve gone along for the ride.  My planning this year is all about changing that.

I have plans to take charge of my life.  I have plans to make my dreams a reality.  I have plans to live MY life, MY way.  I have plans to be able to contribute in ways that matter.  I have plans to surround myself with people who are doing these exact things.

The magic of the holidays, the magic of possibility.  Love it.

Maybe I’m the only one who becomes emotionally unstable during the holidays?  I am sure there are others out there just like me…sniffling through those pesky holiday commercials, remembering Christmases past, planning for what is coming next.  Is this you?  What do the holidays bring out in you? What “feels” does this time of year bring to the surface for you?

Sending love and light

to you and yours

this holiday season!!

merry-christmas-to-all

 

 

 

 

13 Inspirational Quotes from Buddha

Confession:  I AM A QUOTE JUNKIE!  Seriously.  I love quotes.  Since I was a little girl I cannot count the number of notebooks that I have filled solely with quotes.  Strange?  Maybe.  Truth is, I STILL DO IT!!!  Yep.  I do.

Some days I just need some motivation.  Other days I need to know that someone else has felt the same way I am feeling.  Then there are days that I just need the beauty of another’s words rolling off my lips.  Ok, ok, is that a little to artsy, and weird?  Maybe that is true too.

When I am down, when I am lonely, when I am emotional, when I feel lost, when I feel infinite…all of these are times that I find myself reaching for the quotes.  Quotes bring me peace, motivation, new mantras, new outlooks.  I just love them ok?!?!

I’ve been reading a lot on Buddha and his thoughts.  His quotes are classics.  I know that some of these will be familiar, but I hope that you find motivation for your mind, body and soul in # of my favorite Buddha quotes

#1

“The mind is everything.  What you think you become.”

#2

doubt

#3

“In the sky, there is no distinction of east & west; people create distinctions out of their own minds & then believe them to be true.”

#4

candles

#5

“The darkest night is ignorance.”

#6

universe

#7

“True love is born from understanding.”

#8

peace

#9

“If your passion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.”

#10

conquer

#11

“Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely.”

#12

chaos

#13

“Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts.”

If you haven’t OD’ed on quotes yet, check out 10 more quotes from the ol’ Enlightened One!

 

 

My Tribe

 If you’re anything like me you wanna put a face with a name…

Here’s some help with that…

MY TRIBE

BRENT (2)

 

→ B/Brent/Kermie

Meet my ride or die.

We are firewater. Complete opposites in almost every way! We’ve come a long way together…our story is Lifetime movie worthy to say the least!! Our relationship has been rocky & at times utterly dysfunctional (we’ve been in some CRAZY situations)!! Despite all that, truth is, I’m certain we are meant to be. Realistically there is no reason that we should be together…our circumstances and zodiac signs can both attest to that. Still we remain, sharing a bond between us that is unique to anything I’ve ever felt. I feel like the Emery Allen quote says it best, “…maybe we are from the same star”. 

 

→ The Fab Five

kaylyn (1)

These faces keep me going.  Without them I am positive I wouldn’t be around today.  They have saved me in more ways than one.  I am eternally grateful for each of them.

Kaylyn Rebekah ↔ Kaylyn Bekos ↔ “K” ↔Sissy

The eldest of the 5, this chick right here is AMAZING!  She’s a brilliant student who also happens to rock at b-ball, dancing (one of my goals in life used to be to beat her at Just Dance, ha! I’ve long given up that dream), singing, drawing, and being random.  She is fun and hilarious. Kaylyn’s smile lights up a room!  I can’t wait to see where life will take her next.  She is unstoppable.

Collyn Wyatt ↔ Wyatt ↔”Freckles”

The odd man out.  A red-head with four blonde siblings.  My only lefty.  He is super athletic and super opinionated!  Wyatt’s always had MORE than enough personality.  He is the one you gotta keep an eye on! He’s the spunky one of the bunch.  Always has something to say!!  Just call him Mr. Personality oh, and Mr. Football at the moment…

Caleb Owen ↔ Owen ↔ “O”

Owen is one of the most caring, sensitive kids ever.  Always concerned if someone is left out and also serves as “protector” for the younger two.  He’s always willing to help out.  He is an early riser, a thinker, an old soul.  Owen wants to be a MLB player…go ahead man!!  We are still working on goals that are non-professional athlete related…

Trinity Sophia ↔ “Trin”

Trinity is still convinced that the Princess Sophia cartoon on Disney is about her (pretty sure I told her that when she was smaller…).  It may as well be.  She is a princess through and through.  We are trying to convince her that we are mere town folk and unable to support her royal ways, as we are fresh out of butlers and chauffeurs!!  Trinity loves to dance and play Minecraft. An aspiring ballerina (she’s a ballet school drop out), gymnast, artist, professional gamer…honestly her interests change daily.

Phoenix ↔ “P” ↔ Tarzan ↔ Artist formerly known as “Meesix”

The baby of the bunch. Tarzan himself.  Trinity couldn’t pronouce Phoenix for a long time so until about a year or two ago, he was still forced to answer to “Meesix” on the reg.  This dude could be mistaken for a kid raised by wolves.  He is in a constant state of undress.  He is candid and full of crazy (mostly made-up) stories.  He is the actor of the group.  I need to sign him up for acting classes and profit from some of this craziness! Ha!  Phoenix is a mini-Brent.  He looks and acts WAY too much like his dad most of the time!  From his freckled face to his picky eating habits he is Brent made over!  He keeps us hopping! Never a dull moment with him!

These are the people I share my home with…but that’s not all!!! We have fur kids too! Check them out!