Addicted To Thought


I’ve officially been MIA from my blog.  Not because I had nothing to say, simply because I couldn’t find the words nor energy to express all the things circling around in my head.  While my writing ceased, my thoughts grew.  That’s how it happens.  I begin going inward, getting lost in my own thoughts, lost in the worry of tomorrow and pain of yesterday.  It feels as if I lack the ability to get out of my own head.  I become trapped there. Fighting. Fighting through depression, fighting through sickness, fighting tiredness.  I become more and more unconnected.  I distance myself from friends, family, even Brent.  I feel alone in my pain, alone in my depression, alone in my cerebral prison.

Unfortunately, this experience is not new to me.  I have become aware of this pattern in my life.  The first step is admitting you have a problem, right?

Hello, my name is Kristal.  I am addicted to thought.

Cerebral Prisoner

I have become controlled by my thoughts.  This has led to being anxious, depressed, hopeless…I could go on.

So now what?  What do you do when your prison guard is with you 100% of the time?  How do you escape?

My quest begins!  I am hopeful that I will be able to break this habit.  I recently learned, I am not my mind.  Sounds crazy, right?  It’s not.  That statement alone has allowed me to climb out of the dark caverns I’ve been hiding in.  It has given me freedom to live.  I am not my thoughts.  Instead I am the keeper of thoughts, the watcher of the mind.

I am becoming more aware.  More aware of my thoughts, my emotions, my reactions, my anxieties.

The Watcher

So far, this has been quite a change.  It is changing the way I look at myself.  I am no longer defined by my mind.  I am the watcher.  I like it.  Just this slight change in perception has already helped to quell my anxieties.  Becoming the watcher has made me feel more at peace, more even tempered, more hopeful.

I have so far to go.  My mind is not the only thing that is in desperate need of change.  While hibernating in the darkness I have not been kind to my mind or body.  I know that.  Again…I am admitting…. As I become more and more identified with the watcher I am more aware of the need for balance.  Yes, balance (there’s that word again, my favorite word for quite some time now.  Balance in all things is what I’m after).  I must start feeding my body what it needs.  I must start moving more.  I must keep myself hydrated.

Begin Again

Stoked, to see what this journey is going to teach me.  Happy, that instead of becoming the definition of insanity, I am breaking those patterns in my life that aren’t working for me.

This is just the beginning.  I am retraining my brain.  Taking charge of my mind, which gives me charge of my life.  I WILL run my life, instead of life running me.

Recent Inspo

Women Who Run With the Wolves


The Power of Now


Live Your Legend


What are your thoughts?  Do you identify yourself solely through your thoughts?  Do you think the mind is powerful enough to control us without our even being aware of it?  




My Fitness Journey: Part Two

I’ve been a personal trainer for 10 years now…whoa…. it’s been a minute!

Thanks to personal training I’ve had the pleasure of working with some pretty cool folks! I landed my very first personal training job working for two professional bodybuilders John DeFendis and the late Mat DuVall (…talk about an intimidating interview! These guys are HUGE!). I owe my start in the business, and a lot of knowledge about training/nutrition, to them.  They gave me a foundation that to this day remains timeless.  In a world of fitness fads, they taught me that new isn’t always better.

Many trainers and individuals have served as inspiration for my fitness journey.  Each and every one of them pushed me to break past intimidation and reach for what I wanted out of life.  There is one trainer that does happen to stand out from the rest…


Love this guy!

I met my handsome husband, Brent, at the gym.  He was a fellow trainer, just some crazy guy that tended to loiter in my office a little too long.   He and I began working out together and to be honest I stole a LOT of training ideas from him (shhhh it will be our secret).

Fact is, no one has been more inspiring/encouraging to me than my hubs, Brent (note: no one has ever driven me more crazy either!).  He has taught me tons in our crazy life together. He helped, still helps me, face my fears. My fears of not being good enough.  My fears of being left behind.  My fears of other’s opinions.  He taught me it was ok to fail (in & out of the gym).  He held my hand and led me to accept myself for who I was.

Enough of the sappiness…he also taught me proper form, weight-lifting technique, how to use hand wraps, the importance of having a decent spotter and a TON about eating to be lean. Brent is an old-schooler when it comes to fitness.  If you wanna know how to get the best physique quickly and efficiently he’s your man! He is responsible for the fact that I am, and forever will be, a lifter at heart. I mean for real, I like the movie Pumping Iron.  I blame him completely.

I have lazy days (ok, weeks).  I am a real person (with real shit to deal with). I work a full time job. I am no longer able to spend hours and hours at the gym.  But…

I still love all things fitness! While Brent is an old-school iron pumper.  I am random.  Especially in fitness!  I get bored with the same ol’ routines, same ol’ classes, same ol’ results.  I am constantly switching things up.  I am a lover of Crossfit, Yoga, Zumba, Kickboxing, Boot Camp, Bodybuilding, Tabata, Cycling, Hiking, etc.

I have recently been slacking off in my eating and exercise routine!  What a difference in how I feel.  I am dragging!!  I am logging off now, I have a hot date with my stairs…Look for a full body stair workout post soon!!!

I hope that by sharing my story I can inspire someone else to push past the fear! Take charge of your life! If I can do it, YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

Give me a shout out! Tell me about your fitness routines!