Tag: lifestyle changes

Work in Progress

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Should I Blame the Moon?

I have been slammed with SUPER intense emotions.  Crashing over me like waves.  I’m fine for a minute then, BAM, another hits. Maybe it was the full moon, the lunar eclipse, or the comet that passed a few nights ago?  Maybe it’s just where I am in life?

All I know for certain is…

I am becoming aware.

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I realize, to some,this sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo.  But it is honestly the state of my being right now.  Everything in me is changing, evolving…

Becoming More…

I am becoming more awake.  More aware.

Aware of the things I have let defeat me.  Aware of the thoughts that have held me prisoner.  Aware of the negativity that I allowed to permeate everything around me.

I am seeing with fresh eyes the things that suck up my time.  The things that suck up my soul.

I am becoming awake.

awakening

I am awakening to the collective unconscious.  The societal voices that become our inner monologues.

I am seeing that I have allowed those voices to steal my confidence, my joy, my passion.

I am awakening to the lies that I have believed simply because generations before me accepted them as truth.  I now cringe at the “that’s the way great-great-granny did it” mentality.

I am waking up to see that it is sometimes the comfort of the lies that hold us back.  We have become afraid to rock the boat. Some of us have let our own voice grow silent, adopting instead the voice of complacency.

I see now the time wasted, never to be regained, on the belief that we need to follow societal norms. We live in fear of doing something “wrong”, messing things up.

I see the lie of perfection. The desire for perfection, in all things, cripples us.  We want perfect hair before our pictures.  We need the perfect shoes for our outfits.  We won’t be happy with our body, with our lives, until we reach our goal(s).

I no longer believe the lie that we must “climb the ladder” to succeed.   The need for titles behind our names & signs in front of our parking spaces.  Just more lies.

I pray to never again be convinced of the importance of these pretensions.

Hopeful

I am hopeful that each day I will continue to become more aware, more awake.

I hope to become a better version of me each day simply by laying down things that no longer serve me and making room for new and healthy thought patterns and life habits.

I vow to escape the deception of perfection.  In fact, I will avoid striving for perfection at all. Instead focusing on growth in every area of my life.

I will be me bravely, with intentions of failing boldly in MANY endeavors.

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I have been awakened to the life force buzzing around us all.

The Most Important Thing

I have so many things to be grateful for in my life yet, this is the most important thing I have ever done. It is not easy to change your old thoughts, old habits.  It is not easy to let go of things that you identify as “yourself”, but it is so rewarding.

Striving to become more awake, more aware, has changed/is changing every aspect of my life.   I realize now, that striving to be the best version of me is so important.  It’s not selfish or self-serving.  Working on me, gives me the strength to be there for others.

This awareness has begun to overflow into every detail of my life.  Becoming a better me allows me to be a better mom, wife, friend….PERSON.

Stepping back from old thought patterns, becoming accepting of the way things are, letting in more light and love into my life…these are the things I am most grateful for today.

I am a work in progress.  I hope to always be a work in progress.

in-progress

*How much better a world would this be for our children if we ALL vowed to work on ourselves EVERY DAY?    

I Will Be A Failure

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“The single best thing you can do is EMBRACE FAILURE. Fail fast and hard and move on! You learn 10 times more from failure than from success.”

-Corey Townsend

This is the scariest, yet most freeing advice I have ever gotten.

First Step Is Admitting, Right?

Hello, my name is Kristal, and I am afraid of failure.

I shared my fitness journey and how I spent A LOT of time hiding in the corner of the gym, on the treadmill.  I had NO clue what I was doing, and I WAS AFRAID.  Afraid that if I lifted a weight I wouldn’t do it right.  Afraid I would look like an idiot.  I KNEW that I could never be comfortable in a gym.  All those skinny girls in spandex with perky booties, all those muscled-up men, all those health nuts.  They were intimidating!

I was AFRAID.  Afraid to try, afraid to fail.

It took someone holding my hand through the process, cheering me on, showing me that those “intimidating” people at the gym could care less if I looked like an idiot.  Showing me that even if they did care, it didn’t matter.  Showing me that this was about MY life, about making ME healthy.

Fast forward…. I now feel more at home in the gym than most other places.  It’s my retreat.  My therapy. My happy place.  I didn’t fail!  I worked hard, I listened, I read…I made it work for me!!  I took charge of my health.  I took charge of my body.

I found success in the health/fitness arena.  What I didn’t do was conquer my fear of failure.

Debilitated By Fear

My entire life I have dreamed of becoming a writer.  I have dreamed of owning my own business.  I have dreamed of traveling the world.  I have dreamed of making an impact by doing something that I am PASSIONATE about.

I am a chronic dreamer.  I have SO many ideas ALL the time.  What I lack is follow through.

Why is that?

Why have I not written the 101 novels that I have ideas for?  Why have I not written the 99 children’s books that I’ve dreamed up?  Why have I not started 3 companies?  Why have I not traveled?

I’ve been too afraid.

Afraid that this small-town girl who grew up in poor, rural, South Carolina would never have what it takes.  Afraid I was not “good enough” to be successful.  Afraid I was kidding myself with my crazy ideas and dreams.

I spent my life thinking that if I could just “get by” (have a steady job, a family, a decent car, a house instead of a trailer, some semblance of peace, etc.) that would be my life. That would mean I had “arrived”.

That was a lie.  A lie that I told myself.  A lie that I believed.  A lie that grew and grew until it became debilitating. I lie that I began to identify with. For years, I have let this lie destroy my life.

I have made many HUGE mistakes in my life.   I’ve felt like a failure as a person.  No matter how many successes I’ve had, no matter how many “good” things I’ve done, I could never view myself as “enough”.

Guess what?  I am realizing now, that I am NOT my past, I am NOT my depression, I am NOT my failures.

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I am WHOEVER and WHATEVER I decide to become.  All I have is NOW.  I can’t change the past.  I can’t change who I am.  What I can change is how I think and where I go from here.

I am determined to change my “stinkin thinkin”.  I am determined to chase my dreams RELENTLESSLY. I am determined to fail.

I realize now, that I am going to have to fail. More than once!  But guess what that means? It means…

I am going to TRY.  I am going to START. 

I am going to face my fears, and kick them in the teeth.

Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda

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I will never be an author if I don’t WRITE.  I will never be my own boss if I don’t start TAKING ACTION to get me there.  I will never travel if I keep telling myself it’s not a possibility for me.

Guess what?? The hand-holding I needed to get off the corner treadmill….I still need it. We all do.  So I have started working on my circle.  Working on my average.  Working on surrounding myself with people who encourage me to chase my dreams.

I’ve realized that there is NO aspect of my life that should be passive.  I have to take charge of the energies I surround myself with.  I have to take charge of my goals by breaking them down into ACTIONS.  I have to take charge of my writing by…well, WRITING.

I am going to fail (over and over)…..and that is ok.  I will fail fast, and hard.  I will also be just as fast to get up, straighten my crown, and MOVE ON!!!

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Go ahead, get out there! FAIL hard and FAST, then MOVE ON!

Fail your way to greatness!