Sum, Total.

Sum. Total.

“You are the sum total of everything you’ve ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot – it’s all there.  Everything influences each of us…” -Maya Angelou

So powerful.  The sum total.  Each of us goes through this life, soaking up, basking in, running from, running toward.  Life is so messy.  It encircles us.  Life happens to us, we happen right back.  The lies we are told, the truths we refuse to hear.  Each a tiny piece in the puzzle that is us.  The person we become is shaped by each experience.  Lives intertwine, disconnect, support, destruct.  One life reverberates off another.  The great silk thread that links us all.  The underlying consciousness, the feeling of belonging we all search for.  Life is so complicated. So complex, so diverse.  That is where the beauty lies.  Beauty in diversity.  Beauty in each day, each moment being different than the last.

More.  I Want MORE.  I Need MORE.

I have felt so emotional lately.  I want so much more.  Not stuff, not possessions.  I want to help people find their own path.  I want to offer happiness in a world full of discord.  I want to see all the beautiful creations of Mother Earth.  I want to better my yoga practice.  I want to save EVERY animal.  I want to spread smiles like peanut butter.  I want to LIVE!

This past year has been…difficult.  I have battled with dark places within myself.  I have discovered negative thought patterns that threaten to ruin me.  I have learned that NO ONE is perfect, and EVERY ONE will let you down at some point (and that’s ok, we are all human).  I have struggled to find balance in all things.  I have cried, laughed, tasted the harshness of desperation, savored moments of pure bliss.

Looking Ahead.

If I am being honest, I don’t know where life will take me from this day forward.  All I know is that I am going to be ok.  I am going to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  I have battled so much in my life and ALL I know for certain is that I WILL NOT QUIT.  I WILL NOT HANG MY HEAD IN DEFEAT.  I WILL NOT SETTLE FOR A LIFE I DON’T LOVE.  I WILL FIND MORE.

Thanks Peeps!

Thank you to everyone who has touched my life this past year.  Thank you for your encouragement, thank you for your criticism, thank you for helping to shape me into who I am.  I am so blessed with so many awesome people in my life.  I hope that you all take a little time and decide what it is that makes you tick.  What is your purpose in this crazy life of ours?  Once you find it…spin WILDLY in that direction!  I hope this year we all LIVE life to the fullest….each and every moment!  Spread love!  Spread happiness! Spread laughter!! Life is too short to do anything else!

Love and light to all!!!

sumtotal

 

My Tribe

 If you’re anything like me you wanna put a face with a name…

Here’s some help with that…

MY TRIBE

BRENT (2)

 

→ B/Brent/Kermie

Meet my ride or die.

We are firewater. Complete opposites in almost every way! We’ve come a long way together…our story is Lifetime movie worthy to say the least!! Our relationship has been rocky & at times utterly dysfunctional (we’ve been in some CRAZY situations)!! Despite all that, truth is, I’m certain we are meant to be. Realistically there is no reason that we should be together…our circumstances and zodiac signs can both attest to that. Still we remain, sharing a bond between us that is unique to anything I’ve ever felt. I feel like the Emery Allen quote says it best, “…maybe we are from the same star”. 

 

→ The Fab Five

kaylyn (1)

These faces keep me going.  Without them I am positive I wouldn’t be around today.  They have saved me in more ways than one.  I am eternally grateful for each of them.

Kaylyn Rebekah ↔ Kaylyn Bekos ↔ “K” ↔Sissy

The eldest of the 5, this chick right here is AMAZING!  She’s a brilliant student who also happens to rock at b-ball, dancing (one of my goals in life used to be to beat her at Just Dance, ha! I’ve long given up that dream), singing, drawing, and being random.  She is fun and hilarious. Kaylyn’s smile lights up a room!  I can’t wait to see where life will take her next.  She is unstoppable.

Collyn Wyatt ↔ Wyatt ↔”Freckles”

The odd man out.  A red-head with four blonde siblings.  My only lefty.  He is super athletic and super opinionated!  Wyatt’s always had MORE than enough personality.  He is the one you gotta keep an eye on! He’s the spunky one of the bunch.  Always has something to say!!  Just call him Mr. Personality oh, and Mr. Football at the moment…

Caleb Owen ↔ Owen ↔ “O”

Owen is one of the most caring, sensitive kids ever.  Always concerned if someone is left out and also serves as “protector” for the younger two.  He’s always willing to help out.  He is an early riser, a thinker, an old soul.  Owen wants to be a MLB player…go ahead man!!  We are still working on goals that are non-professional athlete related…

Trinity Sophia ↔ “Trin”

Trinity is still convinced that the Princess Sophia cartoon on Disney is about her (pretty sure I told her that when she was smaller…).  It may as well be.  She is a princess through and through.  We are trying to convince her that we are mere town folk and unable to support her royal ways, as we are fresh out of butlers and chauffeurs!!  Trinity loves to dance and play Minecraft. An aspiring ballerina (she’s a ballet school drop out), gymnast, artist, professional gamer…honestly her interests change daily.

Phoenix ↔ “P” ↔ Tarzan ↔ Artist formerly known as “Meesix”

The baby of the bunch. Tarzan himself.  Trinity couldn’t pronouce Phoenix for a long time so until about a year or two ago, he was still forced to answer to “Meesix” on the reg.  This dude could be mistaken for a kid raised by wolves.  He is in a constant state of undress.  He is candid and full of crazy (mostly made-up) stories.  He is the actor of the group.  I need to sign him up for acting classes and profit from some of this craziness! Ha!  Phoenix is a mini-Brent.  He looks and acts WAY too much like his dad most of the time!  From his freckled face to his picky eating habits he is Brent made over!  He keeps us hopping! Never a dull moment with him!

These are the people I share my home with…but that’s not all!!! We have fur kids too! Check them out!